Easy For You To Say

Back in 1993, Costaki Economopoulos was a man divided. Part of him wanted spend his time honing his skills as a standup while his more practical side urged him to finish his work as a graduate student at the University of Georgia. For the most part, his practical side won out, but once he graduated, the comedian in him took over and Costaki put master's degree to good use by becoming a full-time comic. With his Greek heritage, it's not surprising that he's been described as a “joke philosopher,” and we're sure he's not the only one saying that. Costaki is also a talented joke writer who's punchlines have been heard on "The Tonight Show," BET, and MTV. In other news, he's recently released a new CD, The Economonologe, and he has a daughter with the beautiful and funny comedienne Caroline Rhea.

The Zany Report

Tuesday is once again upon which means it's time for another exciting episode of the best call-in, joke filled, news feature hosted by a stand-up comedian named Bob Zany, The Zany Report. But the Report isn't the only thing you'll get when Bob calls in, we'll also find out where he's playing next, Bing Crosby will tell a joke, and some lucky fan will win prizes after fixing one Zany's less than successful punch lines. So you'd better tune it because it's going to be huge! In other news, Bob was recently featured in the new Matt Damon film, The Informant! and he's got an all new "Wake Me if You're Horny" t-shirt for sale.

Silly Bandz

For those of you that have been living under a rock, Silly Bandz (the latest kids craze) are basically rubber bands that hold shapes such as a cat, fairy princess or cartoon characters. This may sound like a silly idea, but there's nothing silly about the money they've brought in for creator and CEO Robert Croak. Croak's bandz have been banned from schools, featured on television newscasts and coveted by children everywhere. Even some celebrities are getting in on the act... not bad for a company that has never bought a single commercial and is only relying on social networking and word of mouth.

The Excitement Plan

Fans of the BOB&TOM Show have known about Todd Snider for years now with his songs like "Beer Run," "The Statistician’s Blues," "Seattle Grunge Rock Blues" and "Iron Mike," but it’s good to see that the rest of the country has begun to take notice. After the success of his previous two albums The Devil You Know, and Peace Queer (which sat at the top of the Americana charts for five weeks) Todd is set to release an album that he claims was the most exciting, challenging and uninhibited project he's ever been a part of, The Excitement Plan.

Hard to Describe, Easy to Love

Bizarre and demented are two adjectives normally reserved for people with serious mentally problems, but when you tack on sarcastic and hilarious, you’re probably talking about a standup comedian. One man who fits that description is Andy Hendrickson, whose act (which as been described as having a touch of cynicism mixed with a boy next door charm) has been entertaining audiences in comedy clubs everywhere. His original songs and comedic jabs have been broadcast on a variety of mediums including TV, satellite radio and even cellular phones.

Filthy Charm

Tom Segura is a man on the move; he just can’t seem to stay in one place for very long. That might be why the life of a standup comedian sounded so appealing to him. After working as a volunteer in 12 U.S. states and in six foreign countries, Tom moved out to L.A. to pursue a career in stand-up. Since that time he’s made somewhat of a name for himself as both a comedian and an actor. Keep an eye out for Tom in a club near you, on Comedy Central’s "Live at Gotham" or in his short film Cutman.

FACTOID - Tom is married to lovely comedienne Christina Pazsitzky

The Future is Now

Now that his run starring in his own one-man off-Broadway show "Sleepwalk With Me" has come to a close, you'd think Mike Birbiglia would want to take some much needed time off, but that's not the case. Instead, Birbigs is set to kick off his new "I'm In the Future Also" comedy tour which will be crisscrossing the country all summer long. Tickets for number of shows are available for pre-sale now. Check out his website for details. While there you can also watch some of his animated videos, read a few Secret Public Journal entries and maybe even buy a T-shirt or two.
Watch all of Mike's videos at www.birbigstube.com

Challenging the Status Quo

Scott Henry's career as a stand-up comedian and actor was launched at the Montreal Comedy Festival in 2000. Following the festival, he had three consecutive talent holding deals – two with ABC and one with UPN. Scott has appeared on “The King Of Queens,” “Chelsea Lately,” and “Sports Soup,” as well as in specials for Comedy Central and VH-1. He has opened for an array of high – profile comics including Ellen DeGeneres, Dana Carvey, and Jeff Foxworthy, and headlines in major comedy clubs around the country. He has also been to over 50 countries entertaining U.S. troops, including Afghanistan and Iraq. Scott has also voiced more than 100 commercial for companies such as Toyota, Netflix, Coors, and Fram. He is known in the corporate world for his well-rounded versatility and top level comedy and hosting skills.

Anxiety Venting

As one of the country's top comedians, Cathy Ladman's show is a self-probing, anxiety-venting vehicle, which draws laughter from exposing personal neurosis. She has not only appeared on "The Tonight Show" nine times, but was also the only female comic to appear on the last two Johnny Carson "Tonight Show Anniversary" shows. Cathy has had her own HBO "One Night Stand" comedy special and, in 1992, was awarded the American Comedy Award for Best Female Stand Up Comic. She also recently appeared on an episode of the Emmy winning AMC drama "Mad Men."

Rock of Love

As front man for the legendary rock band Poison, Bret Michaels has sold 25 million records and scored an amazing 15 chartbusting Top 40 singles including "Talk Dirty to Me," "Something to Believe In," "Nothing But a Good Time" and the timeless #1 smash "Every Rose Has its Thorn." But most recently Bret has become famous for his appeanaces on the reality shows "The Celebrity Apprentice" and "Rock of Love." "Rock of Love with Bret Michaels" has been a enormous ratings winner for Vh1. The series has became the highest rated series on Vh1 and consistently won its time slot when aired, including multiple airings.

A woman goes to her rabbi with a serious problem. Her two female parrots have picked up a bad habit. Any time she has visitors, the two parrots embarrass her by saying, in unison, "Hi ! We're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?"
To her surprise, the rabbi breaks into a smile, explaining that he has two male parrots which he has trained to pray and who've become very observant, spending much of the day praying in their cage. He's confident that if the woman brings her two parrots over to his house, his two parrots will exert such a positive influence that her birds will turn into model parrots.
The next day the woman drives over to the rabbi's house and brings her two parrots into his home. As she looks around, she notices a large cage with two parrots, each wearing a little kippah and tiny tallis and each holding a miniature siddur, while they rock back and forth in prayer. Sure enough, as soon as she places her female parrots in the cage, they shout out to their male counterparts "Hi! We're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?"
One of the rabbi's parrots immediately turns to the other, squawking: "Moishe, put the damn book down. Our prayers have been answered!"

The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
“May I help you sir?” she asked.
“I want to see Valerie,” the man replied.
“Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else,” said the madam.
“No, I must see Valerie,” he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000.
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie questioned the man, “No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?” she asked.
The man replied, “Cleveland .”
“Really?”, she said. “I have family in “Cleveland .”
“I know.” the man said.. “Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.”

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.
"What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."
"It was," sighed the sister, "and I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."
"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"
"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!"
"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell me all about it!"
"Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother, a 540 yard par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits a bird in mid-flight !"
"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!"
"No, that wasn't it," admitted the sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!"
"Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!' sympathized the Mother.
"But I didn't, Mother!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!"
"So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile.
"Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!"
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...
"You missed the GD putt, didn't you?

A ten year old lad goes to his grandmother and asks, "What is it called when someone is on top of someone else in the bedrooom?"
His grandmother was taken aback and she thought, "oh no, it's time for the talk."
She tells her grandson that it's called sexual intercourse and sends him on it's way.
Confused, the boy went outside to talk to his friends. A few minutes came back in and said, "Grandma, it's not called sexual intercourse, they're called bunk beds."

Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to their position in life and it's clear that they are trying to one-up each other. The first one says, "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation," and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.
The second one says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride.
Number three says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and we don't have any material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my husband is that thirteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his johnson."
After this, the first one looks shamefully at the other two and says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well, it's not to the French Riviera, it's to my parents house for two weeks."
The second one says, "Your honesty has shamed me too. It's not a Mercedes, he bought me a Plymouth."
"Well," the third one says, "I also have a confession to make, canary number thirteen has to stand on one leg!"

A lady who was a fan of the late Elvis Presley was distraught over the demise of the King. Thinking it might cheer her up, she took a favorite photo of Elvis to a tattoo parlor and told the artist that she wanted this profile likeness high up on the inside of her thigh, looking in. The artist agreed, and after removing her underpants, she climbed into the sturrips and he began duplicating the photo on her inner thigh.
After about an hour, he backed up and with a hand held mirror, showed her his intricate artistry.
She looked at the tattoo, and in shock, said, " That doesn't look like Elvis.
The artist, also in shock, said " Lady, it's perfect. Looks just like the photo you gave me."
"Well, I don't like it." she said.
"It's a tattoo, I can't WIPE it off, what do you want me to do?"
"Well, could you try to do a BETTER job in reverse on my other thigh?"
Thinking this was his only way out, the artist agreed and began the second tattoo, more detail, more time.
When he finished he again held up the mirror. She looked disappointed again.
"No, that doesn't look like Elvis either."
The artist replied, " Lady, ANYONE would recognize either of these tattoos as Elvis, I'll prove it to you."
He walks out of the shop and into a park where he finds a drunk half asleep on a park bench. He tells him what he needs, gives him $20, and tells him he will give him more if she's convinced.
They both walk into the room where the lady is spread-eagle in the sturrips facing them, he he tells the drunk, " Now look up there and tell me who the FAMOUS musician is...?"
The drunk sqints and blinks, trying to focus, and says, " Well it beats the hell out of me who the twins are, but the one in the middle reminds me a lot of Willy Nelson."

Guy walks out of a completely packed bar, into the parking lot. He's stumbling over his own shoes, swaying this way and that... Totally wasted.
He tries his keys in several different car doors before he finally finds his. The cops seeing this are just waiting to pull him over, as soon as he remembers how to drive.
Well, the guy is turning on and off his turn signals, the lights, the dome light, hazard lights... everything. Even sets off his own car alarm. All the while, other people are leaving in a much more sober fashion. Soon, the parking lot is half empty and the cops are getting impatient but their waiting pays off. The guy backs up a little, changes his mind and pulls forward, realizes he can't go that way and then backs out of the spot. As soon as his tires touch the road, the cops flick on their lights and pull him over.
Going through the normal routine, the cops ask for license and registration and then ask him how many drinks he's had.
His reply, "None, I'm just my friends' designated decoy for the evening."

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
“How do you feel about sex?” he asked, rather tentatively.
“I would like it infrequently” she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered – “Is that one word or two?”

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I've concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I'm so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'

A husband and wife went to the grocery store. Wandering up and down the aisles they shopped as they normally did. In aisle 5, the wife said "I forgot to get pasta. Stay here and I will go get it.''
She left and the husband started looking at bottles of salad dressing. He bent to pick one up, just as his lovely bride came up behind him. Seeing that they were alone in the aisle, the wife rubbed his bottom. The husband stood up and said
"Carol, that had better be you. But if it's not, I usually shop here alone on Wednesdays!"

A man was sitting at a restaurant table when his waiter walked up with his steak dinner. All was fine except the waiter had his thumb on the steak.
"Excuse me," the man said, "I don't want to be a bother, but why do you have your thumb on my steak?"
"Well," said the waiter "I figured you'd rather me do this then have it fall on the floor again."

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "John, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
John says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just pooped my pants."

She went to the front door 
of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said.
"How 
 much will you charge me?"

 Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"


The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she 
would need were in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"


"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.

 The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all 
those dumb blonde jokes."


A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.



"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.



"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats."



Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it 
 to her along with a $10 tip.

 "Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's 
a Lexus."